Went to see a fortune teller last year, November to be exact. I hadn’t planned to go but when I passed her window and she had all these pictures of “stars” who she had read for it tempted me in; Betty Turpin from Coronation Street, one of the krankies (not the old lady / boy one) and a girl who got to the second round of auditions in x factor 2007. They all looked very cheery despite what must have been gloomy predictions if Madam Leandra was anyway near accurate.
She told me I would meet a girl within a year who would make my heart beat faster and fill my life with happiness, she couldn’t give me an exact name but gave me possible initials. She also told me I would come into money which I would win after buying a ticket. 11 months on, £96 down on the lottery, £53 down on scratch cards, £3.50 wasted on a tombola stall and still no girlfriend who has made my heart beat faster, well not in that way.

Man, 35, living in expectation rather than hope seeks female whose first name begins with A, or maybe S, and definitely has an E in her surname who enjoys watching the lottery on a Saturday night. No Gold diggers need apply.

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